It’s been seven months since my last post. SEVEN MONTHS.
I’ve had every intention to write in this blog – sharing projects and adventures here in Portland as I settled into life, but it didn’t work out that way. Back in January, I posted a note in Instagram as a way to offer a general update on what was happening.
Our divorce didn’t occur overnight. There had been an undertow for years and while we tried, we couldn’t tread any longer.
It isn’t a scandalous story. It seems we’re conditioned to want scandal so we can sink our teeth into it yet keep it at a safe distance from our own lives. It confuses us when there isn’t one. It scares us to know things can fall apart.
We took in water for so long, we didn’t know how to breathe. We had forgotten what fresh air tasted like. It was gut-wrenching to say, “I have nothing left to give” and “I’m unhappy – and I think you’ve felt the same way.”
We realized we deserved to be loved but we weren’t able to do that for one another – and hadn’t for quite some time. Saying this was a heartbreaking admission doesn’t come close in explaining the pain we felt.
We knew we were pulling each other down. We needed to let go. We needed to float to the surface and catch our breath.
We have two amazing, sweet boys we’re (still) raising together. They have truly remained our focus in all of this. We knew from the start if we attempted to hurt one another in this process – emotionally or financially – we would only hurt them. Neither of us wanted to do that. We made a promise to work through this with respect for one another and our shared love for our boys. With dignity. With grace.
We’ll always be in each other’s lives thanks to our two beautiful boys – and it shouldn’t be any other way. There are birthdays, holidays, graduations and adventures to be had. All of those moments should be shared. With love. With joy.
We’re still a family. Our family just looks different. We firmly believe two happy homes are better than one unhappy house.
We’ve discovered we’re doing this our way. We’ve discovered nothing about this process is fair, but we’re doing our damnedest to find balance. We’re taking this day by day.
We’re learning how to swim once again.
We’re taking in the fresh air.
We’re no longer drowning.
I have plans (I promise things are in the works!) for this blog and I’ll be back soon. I’ve truly missed this space. I’ve missed sharing projects and adventures with you.
Thank you so much being a part of this journey.
If you’re in the Portland (OR) area and need a couples/family counselor, please send me a private note and I’ll pass our counselor’s name on to you. She has been amazing – we truly couldn’t have done this work and come this far without her help and guidance. By all means a marriage or partnership doesn’t need a crisis for counseling; go when things are good to build a strong foundation for when challenges come barreling toward the two of you.